My Weblog

I take it back

Now that time is approaching for my two oldest sons to return to college for the fall semester, I take back what I said in the last post. I SO don't want them to leave. I don't think I've updated at all about Clemson since our first visit there. Both Ben and Jordan were accepted to Clemson as transfer students. They will begin classes on August 22nd. There was no available on-campus housing so we've located an apartment a couple of miles from the university. It's always hard to have them leave after they've been home but this time will be even more difficult. They will be 750 miles from home. I know that's better than several thousand miles away but still...it takes 13 hours to drive there. They will most likely fly home a couple of times during the semester for a long weekend. And then there's Christmas break which will be almost a month long. If I look at it that way I can feel pretty good about it. I'll end up seeing them about as much as I did when they were only a couple of hours away. But, that's not how I'm looking at it. What if they need something? What if they get sick? My "what ifs" make up a long list with each one being followed by, "and I'm 13-hours away?" In my head I know they will be fine. In my heart I'm not so sure I'll be fine. I love them more than words can express and despite my last post, I greatly enjoy spending time with them.

I'm going to spend the next week telling myself that everything will be fine. And then on August 22nd I'll spend 13-hours leaving a trail of tears 750 miles long. Do me a favor, next summer when I complain about the level of activity at my house, remind me of this post.   

They were right

I've struggled a lot in the past with worries regarding my parenting. I know that's nothing abnormal...most parents go through the very same thing. I remember being pregnant the first time and thinking, "how will I ever do this?" I had no idea how to be a parent. People would tell me not to worry because in no time at all I would feel as if I'd been parenting forever. I thought they were crazy but they were right.

When it came time to send our oldest off to college, I was a mess. "How would I ever be able to let go?" "How would he manage without me?" People would tell me not to worry because in no time at all I would realize that he was fine and that having him leave home was a very good thing for both of us. I thought they were crazy but they were right.

When our second son left for college I was sad. My nest was getting emptier. "What will I do once they're all gone?" "How will I occupy my time?" People told me not to worry because the day would come when even though I would continue to love them dearly, I would actually look forward to them returning to college for the fall semester. I thought they were crazy but guess what? Last week when I couldn't sleep due to the constant flow of young adults through my house I finally realized that...

THEY WERE RIGHT!

He did it!

Jeff competed in his first triathlon yesterday. The experience itself and Jeff were both amazing. The swimming portion of the race occurred in Lake Ontario where the waves were 2-4 feet. It was frightening to watch and from Jeff's report, even more frightening to experience first hand. Unfortunately Jordan wasn't able to compete this time. Last month while bike riding, he had an accident. The accident led to surgery and a very large pin protruding from his thumb. He was extremely disappointed about being sidelined for a while. The pin came out last week and he's back training now. They hope to do another race early this fall. I'm hoping to get in on the action as well either this fall or next summer.

Here's a picture of the big finish.

Congratulations to my Triathlete!

An old dog and a new toy

After Jeff and I finished running this morning, I snapped a few pictures of Jeff and Gracie. I LOVE my dog. (And my husband, of course!) I've been playing around with a new photo editor. It's become rather addicting. Here are few shots;

I really like the scissor tool. Here's a shot of Jeff brushing Grace. Notice his ability to sit on thin air.

(And yes, Jeff is really sweaty looking. Like I said, we had just returned from running. Notice his brand new running shoes!)

This is a picture of Grace looking at me with eyes that say, "Please, make the human take a shower."

For this shot I used the "make me look like I have some horrible, contagious disease tool."

I have no idea how I did this next one but I some how transformed my Old English Sheep Dog into an Afghan Hound and my handsome husband into a Conehead.

Well, I need to stop playing and get busy. We're heading to Hamlin, New  York this weekend so Conehead (a.k.a. Jeff my wonderful husband whom I love very much) can compete in a triathlon.

Those 1960's...oh my

I took the day off from work yesterday to go see:

 

The musicial was being performed in Ithaca at the Hangar Theater. I LOVED it. I was born in the 60's but much too young to see "Hair" when it was first produced.  I have a new understanding of what the 60's were like. My own memories include kindergarten and my sister and I being dressed in identical outfits. I do remember having some knowledge that there was a war going on and that people were upset about it but that's about all. Had I been ten years older my memories today would be very, very different. Those identical outfits...there wouldn't have been much of a need for those since it appears that clothing was entirely optional.

Perplexedness

Okay…time to share my soul a little. I’ve been perplexed lately. My perplexed-ness is connected to blogging. Here’s the deal:

As you know I’ve been fairly open and honest about my struggles. There are a few things I’ve chosen not to blog about but for the most part if you’ve been reading along, you know me well. I couldn’t ask for a more gracious, accepting, caring group of people than those of you I’ve come to know through blogging. My recovery community is also a place where acceptance is freely given. I feel so fortunate to have a place to go where no one keeps track of my past wrongs. What a relief. I used to wish I could find that kind of community in church. I no longer think that’s possible. I’ve come to the realization that the church is often as sick if not sicker than the rest of the world. I attend church because I think there may still be a place in my life for religion. I attend AA because I know there’s a place for spirituality and community. As I’ve said before, the church could learn so much from the recovery community, but that’s a different topic. 

Back to my perplexed state. I’ve become more and more aware that the entire world is not in recovery. Acceptance is not the norm. People are addicted to names and labels and they’re often unable to look past them. When some people find out that I’m a recovering alcoholic they throw me into their preconceived little box of what a recovering alcoholic is and then immediately write me off.  I realize it’s their loss. They’ll never know that I have many good qualities and that I’m probably healthier in many ways than most of the people they spend time with…people who carry around secrets because they have no safe place to lay them down. But still, I’m left wondering what to do. I know that when I write about my recovery journey it’s sometimes helpful to people. The emails I receive tell me that. I love the idea of being able to help someone else. I also like the idea of possibly teaching people that those who struggle with addiction should not be dismissed or thought less of. Individuals in recovery are the strongest, most courageous people I have ever had the privilege of knowing.

I’m sure you’ve figured out what my perplexing dilemma is…shall I keep writing about recovery or not? So many good things are happening in my life. There are many more good things on the horizon…things I’ve only dreamed about before. I find myself worrying that this blog will be a detriment to those dreams materializing. It’s SO hard for me to admit that. In some ways, not blogging about my alcoholism would be like denying a huge part of my existence. I suppose that sounds a little theatrical. The bottom line is that I’m very confused. Here’s what I’m considering; I think I may keep Abiding as somewhat of a recovery blog and password protect it. I’ll then give the password out to people who email me. This blog would be kept for all the other things I write about. I can easily delete all the past recovery related posts. This almost feels like taking a big step backwards…like trying to be someone I’m not. (sigh…)

Any thoughts, opinions or suggestions? Please. With sugar on top.

Random pieces of me

I've been tagged by Bobbie for a random things meme. I think I've only done one other meme in my three years of blogging. I guess it's time to do another. I'm supposed to tell you 8 random things about myself. What can there be that I haven't already told you? Hmmm,let's see...

1. I'm fairly musical. When I was in school I learned to play the trumpet, french horn, tuba, clarinet, trombone, baritone, and some percussion instruments. I also played the piano well...something I still enjoy today.

2. I'm a "girly-girl". I love jewelry, shoes, purses, clothes...girl stuff.

3. I'm also a tomboy sometimes. (I don't like that term. I tried to find another word at thesaurus.com. They had some interesting suggestions... including "deb". Who knew?).

4. I have two younger siblings. My sister is one year younger. Actually, she is "13-months to the day" younger. That was the response we always gave when we were growing up. My birthday is March 20th and her birthday is April 20th. She's quite amazing and has done something that cannot be explained. She is now older than I am. Imagine that! (Just kidding Kathy!)My brother is three-and-a-half years younger. My sister and I used to tease him unmercifully. He deserved it because when he was being potty trained he often wet his pants and then told everyone that, "Debbie did it." Punk. One day when we were teasing him he decided to tell us off by saying, "Well you would too if you were stupid." Needless to say, he provided us with many laughs. He still does.

5. I drink Diet Pepsi. A lot of Diet Pepsi. Too much Diet Pepsi. I'm trying to cut back...for the 897th time.

6. For several years I was an adjunct faculty member at a local college. I taught:

• Marriage and the Family
• Developmental Psychology
• Introduction to Sociology
• Fundamentals of Counseling

I enjoyed teaching tremendously. Some day I hope to get my PhD so I can teach at a university full-time.

7. I love animals. When I was a kid I brought a stray dog home on the school bus. He ate my mother's new coffee table. When I came home from school the next day, the dog was gone. Luckily, they allowed me to stay.

8. I have two quotes taped to my computer monitor:

"A closed mouth gathers no feet." ~ Anonymous

"Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness; kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile." ~ Mother Teresa

I'm supposed to tag 8 people. Instead, I think I'll tag all of you. Tell us some random things about yourself either in the comments or on your blog. Come on now...there must be some interesting random facts that you're dying to share. 

I do love my products

I'm often teased about my "products". I love to shop for and buy products...like hairspray for instance. Jeff and I saw the movie "Hairspray" last night. (He went because he loves me.) It was GREAT. We both loved it. Jeff commented that he hasn't seen an audience get so involved in a movie in a long time. If you want to smile, go see the movie. There's no way you can watch John Travolta playing the part of woman without giggling once or twice.

Welcome!

I've been trying to write something that makes sense regarding my need to start a new blog. How does, I just had to, sound? I've been blogging over at Abiding for a little over three years. I can't even begin to sum up all the change that has occurred over that period of time. I've spent a lot of time "abiding". Life is better now. A lot better. I do feel like I've returned to happiness. I'm a different person who finds herself needing a different blog. I suppose that's a little crazy but then...well, so am I.

So welcome to the new place. I Totalily hope you'll come back again.

The reason I Relay

This weekend our local Relay for Life will be held here in Wellsboro. I'm the Committee Chair for this year's event. I've been involved with Relay for a number of years. In some way or other, cancer impacts almost everyone's life. It's a horrible beast. I have many friends and family members who have been affected. I'm sure you can say the same. A few years ago I started following the websites of numerous children who have been diagnosed with cancer. It's horrible for anyone to be given that diagnosis but my heart is especially burden for the children. These kids are my heros.

Many have lost their battles.

Hayley Thompson
2.3.03 - 12.19.04

Catie Wilkins
9.26.03 - 1.19-07

Many are still fighting.


Alexia


Hunter

If  you're interested, you can help me raise funds toward finding a cure. This link will take you to my Relay site where you can make a contribution.